How Did We Get Here?

This has felt like one of those weeks where every area of life needed something from me at once. Personally and professionally. I’m not here to vent to anyone reading this, but hopefully many of you can or will relate.

I have actually found great value in the Substack community. It can be my quiet corner of the world. Where no one really knows me, and the world isn’t screaming in my ear. It’s peaceful. Gardening stacks. Preparation stacks. Nostalgia for simpler times. There’s so much here and I truly enjoy it.

This week started with my mother being seriously ill. I have a 14 year background as a social worker in a nursing home. I know just enough to be dangerous, but I also know how to be a strong advocate.

That was what has been required. Trying to coordinate outpatient support when my mother didn’t want inpatient care. Believe me, she’s not always part of the solution! Talking to the ICU staff about her medical history. Trying to alleviate my mother’s fears in the face of emergency surgery.

I actually forgot I had my own appointment on Thursday. As a middle aged woman, things are not always the best for me either, and I’ve been following closely with a provider as I navigate this chapter of my life. Thankfully, nothing serious for me, but there were ultrasounds and MRIs and all the things, with continued monitoring.

I will say, I feel so fortunate to have a good provider that was really concerned with my own well-being, when I felt so bad to consider canceling. They were gracious and encouraging me that it would have been okay to cancel in this circumstances. My motto is always to just push through, rather than care for myself. I need to work on that. Plus, I didn’t want the copay for canceling with less than 24 hour notice.

In addition to that, I have a job in local government that comes with its own challenges and this week was one after the other.

I wish people understood, at least where I am, we really do follow a process. We really do make the best, informed decision with the information we have. It’s not always conspiracies and cover-ups. It’s hard “rock vs hard place” decisions, day in and day out.

With all of this going on, I drove home for lunch and found the trash collectors have left the neighbor’s trash can partially blocking our shared driveway for what is about the twelfth straight week and after I called last week. Even coming home for lunch isn’t easy! Sometimes you just have to grab the steering wheel and laugh or cry for a moment before continuing to push forward.

The infamous garbage can in the driveway. Why?!

Not to vent or complain, but I feel like I have to be one of the few “adults in the room” to navigate all of these areas of my life. With my mother. With her health care team. With my health care team. At work. With the community.

It’s really hard being of this age. I was talking to my sister, who has helped so much, and she also has a pre-teen. She’s the true oreo (I just have cats!). Working through her son expanding his independence and growth, while our parents need us so much more. I was complaining about feeling like the adult in a sea of children, and she remarked, “How did we get here to begin with? How is it that we have to have all of the answers all of the time?” She’s right. She often is.

Just yesterday, I was a fun-loving 25 year old and it was the start of the new millennium. How did this happen so soon? Suddenly, I’m a 45 year old perimenopausal woman, trying hard to manage my life and support those I love.

I suspect many of you know exactly what I mean.